Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
