I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
