I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
