We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
