yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
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