This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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