May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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