i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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