if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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