you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
