Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
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No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
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The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
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