2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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