i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
