this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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