I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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