I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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