The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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