Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
