please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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