I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Good news!! I can adult!! π turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ππ
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