we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
