I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize