dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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