O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
