Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize