turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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