youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
