So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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