This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
