Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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