Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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