No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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