it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
There r osticjed everywhere
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
