do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
