she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
