Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
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