My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
