She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
