don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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