i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
