Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
