im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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