Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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