at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
