u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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