Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
