Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
he high fived his dick after we had sex
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
