Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Randomize
