hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
