Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
