just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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