If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
