.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
