Don't make out with my wife yet
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
