That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
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He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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