Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
