They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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