Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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