Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
