I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
