ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
