i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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