Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
This baby is an asshole
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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