The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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