I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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