Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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