Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize
