All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
